Fun Games to Play in Matatu Parks

Matatus are the most common public transportation in eastern Africa. Minibuses that should seat about 14 people, matatus congregate in droves and wait for all the slots to fill. Not just fill to the suggested capacity, fill to the point of eruption. There are no more than a dozen and a half seats. The drives don’t even think about moving until they have 20 passengers. I've counted as many as 28. Therefore, if you get onto a matatu early, when there aren’t many other people already on board, you can wait for some time. An hour or two is not uncommon.

Vendors roam through these parked vehicles selling a huge assortment of goods: water, fruit, candy, grilled meat on sticks, sunglasses, socks, calculators, etc. Carrying their items on or in huge cardboard displays, they approach people sitting in a hot, stationary bus with a glint in their eye. Fish in a barrel – easy pickins’. The sellers knock on windows and can haggle for a long time. To make this waiting time more pleasant I have created some patented diversion techniques.

The Ridiculously Low Offer Technique: If they’re asking 2,000 shillings, I’ll offer 5 and stick to the price no matter what the item, no mater what the argument. The jewelry merchant made her pitch until I employed this procedure a few times. Eventually, she smiled, threw up her hands and proceeded to the next bus.

The Subject Change From Deep, Deep Left Field Technique: After a few offers and refusals, I’ll ask something like, “What are you doing tonight?” or depending on the looks of the vendor, “Are there any good bars in town?” Generally this leads to a pleasant conversation during which their resolve to sell something gives way to friendly banter. This worked especially well around New Years.

The Buyer/Seller Switch Technique: If a few "No thank yous" don't do the trick, I’ll pull whatever out of my pocket and try to sell it to them. Lip balm, receipts, and pieces of string are potential items. This normally leads to enough confusion that the all transactions are halted.

The “How’s Your Family” Technique: This one is a favorite and works efficiently without fail. Much of my time waiting in a matatu was around the holidays so if one of the vendors looked like he or she was old enough to be a parent, I’d ask, “Will you/Did you get to spend the holidays with your family?” If they answer yes, game over. Then its just a matter of “How many kids? How old? What are their names?” and by the time I’m done questioning they are grinning from ear to ear and have forgotten all about their business venture.